ABOUT BARREN:
Barren by Elizabeth Miceli
Publication Date:
November 2015
Publisher: Swoon
Romance
*** PUBLISHER’S ALERT: MATURE CONTENT WARNING
***
Recommended for ages 16+. Includes scenes that
depict drug use, teen sex, and sexual assault.
This book contains mature content and depiction
of a seventeen-year-old girl’s rape at the hands of another student. It is a
chilling first person point of view account of something that occurs across the
country at parties just like the one depicted in this story, and we wanted the
fictional account to feel raw and as devastating. We also understand that these
scenes may be difficult and uncomfortable for some. We recommend this novel for
readers ages sixteen and older.
“I cried, praying for him to
finish. I closed my eyes and tried to envision myself somewhere else… somewhere
where I was happy. I thought of my family all piled around our tree on
Christmas morning. I thought of singing with my band. I thought of Caitlin and
me baking cookies and watching movies together. But after just a few seconds of
pretending, Mike would hit me or thrust deeper, and I would be back in reality.
I was being raped. I was all alone. I was a damsel in distress. And there was
no one there to save me.”
Seventeen-year-old Stacey
Lorenzo’s poor self-esteem has always consumed her. When significant weight
loss leaves her still feeling powerless and with an eating disorder, she turns
to partying to cope. Things go from bad ot worse when she is raped, a crushing
blow to her psyche from which she may not recover. Stacey drugs, cuts, and
hooks up with countless guys in an attempt to dull the pain. But if Stacey
doesn’t find a way to face her demons and overcome her fears, she might find
herself in a hole so dark, even love won’t be able to pull her out.
Barren is written by debut
author Elizabeth Miceli. It is a devastating and dark account of one girl’s
plummet to the very bottom of the human experience and the horrific and
petrifying road to recovery and self-worth.
EXCERPTS
“I pushed my tears off my face with my arm and took a strong, deep breath. I kept my
mouth open and stuck my wet fingers inside my mouth, pushing them far enough to massage the
back of my throat. Calories poured from my mouth, and for just a few seconds I was soaring.
It was like an orgasm. It made my toes curl and my body numb. Just like Devan touching me,
purging made me feel content, wanted, loved. It made me feel like I had control over something
in my life.
I wiped my mouth with a piece of toilet paper and took a deep breath, then threw it in the
toilet and flushed. I flushed away Devan. I flushed away the sorrow. I flushed away the night.”
Excerpt From: Elizabeth Miceli. “Barren.” iBooks.
“I gained five pounds over the summer … I just don’t want anyone to notice.”
She stared at me, open-mouthed. She looked shocked, sad, and angry all at the same time. “Who
the fuck would notice that?”
I put the makeup bag away, averting my eyes to the floor. For her, five pounds was no
big deal. The kid ate like crap, rarely worked out, and was perpetually skinny. If she gained five
pounds, she might actually look better. For the “used-to-be-fat” girl, five pounds is a huge deal.
Five pounds could lead to ten, and then twenty, and then I could be back at 185 pounds.
She took my arm and yanked me up to the mirrors. I stared at myself. Clear complexion. Brown
eyes. Long hair. Fat arms. Fat legs. And a pocket of blubber on my lower stomach.
“Don’t you see how beautiful you are?” she asked.
I just stared at my reflection, counting all the fat parts. I got up to ten.”
Excerpt From: Elizabeth Miceli. “Barren.” iBooks.
“I felt its sharpness against my finger … It could definitely do some damage. I could run
this thin, rigid object against my white skin, and it would turn red. I could make myself bleed.
I knelt down on the floor, trying to find a good spot to try it out on. My arm was too open to the
public. My stomach was used all too often. My legs though … they were rarely seen and I’d
never cut them before. They were the perfect spot.
I sat in the tile shower and stared down at my flesh. I brought the blade to my skin and
pressed down hard, harder until it pierced. I dragged the razor over my skin, making the cut
deeper and thicker. The cut ran from about six inches above my kneecap to the top of my thigh.
As I continued to slice my skin, my mind cleared. My heart stopped beating for just a second …
and everything went quiet. My thoughts. My surroundings. I couldn’t even hear the water hitting
the tile.
I stopped thinking about Mike, his fingers that were forever on my skin. I stopped
thinking about the way I’d treated Frank, one of the only sweet guys who had ever taken me out
on a date. I stopped thinking about the fact that I had to stick my fingers down my throat to
confront my problems. Everything paused.
For about ten seconds it was just me, the blade, and the blood flowing down the tile to the
drain.”
Excerpt From: Elizabeth Miceli. “Barren.” iBooks.
“What about those?” he asked, walking toward me. He had on all his clothes now, and he
pointed to the thin, red scars running over the surface of my stomach.
“I … ” I started, trying to find a good excuse. I was still fucked up. The words wouldn’t
come to me. “I don’t know,” was all I could come up with. His face seemed pained at first, truly
upset, but then his emotion changed to anger and his frown hardened into a thin line.
“That’s such a fucking lie.”
“I’m not lying,” I whispered. I didn’t like when he got angry with me in general, but now
that Mike had happened, guys getting angry made me fear for my safety. Guys could hurt me.
“Yes, you are,” he said, his face red.
“Stop, Devan,” I said, hoping to God he’d drop the subject. For Christ’s sake, if I wanted
to talk to him, I would have already.
“Why are you cutting yourself?” he asked, coming closer to me. He was holding me now.
His protective arms were around my shoulders. He was the man. I was the little girl.
“Back off, Devan.” I spoke into his chest.
“It’s about that guy, isn’t it?” he asked, looking down at me. “You’re cutting because that
guy raped you.”
EXCERPTS
“I pushed my tears off my face with my arm and took a strong, deep breath. I kept my
mouth open and stuck my wet fingers inside my mouth, pushing them far enough to massage the
back of my throat. Calories poured from my mouth, and for just a few seconds I was soaring.
It was like an orgasm. It made my toes curl and my body numb. Just like Devan touching me,
purging made me feel content, wanted, loved. It made me feel like I had control over something
in my life.
I wiped my mouth with a piece of toilet paper and took a deep breath, then threw it in the
toilet and flushed. I flushed away Devan. I flushed away the sorrow. I flushed away the night.”
Excerpt From: Elizabeth Miceli. “Barren.” iBooks.
“I gained five pounds over the summer … I just don’t want anyone to notice.”
She stared at me, open-mouthed. She looked shocked, sad, and angry all at the same time. “Who
the fuck would notice that?”
I put the makeup bag away, averting my eyes to the floor. For her, five pounds was no
big deal. The kid ate like crap, rarely worked out, and was perpetually skinny. If she gained five
pounds, she might actually look better. For the “used-to-be-fat” girl, five pounds is a huge deal.
Five pounds could lead to ten, and then twenty, and then I could be back at 185 pounds.
She took my arm and yanked me up to the mirrors. I stared at myself. Clear complexion. Brown
eyes. Long hair. Fat arms. Fat legs. And a pocket of blubber on my lower stomach.
“Don’t you see how beautiful you are?” she asked.
I just stared at my reflection, counting all the fat parts. I got up to ten.”
Excerpt From: Elizabeth Miceli. “Barren.” iBooks.
“I felt its sharpness against my finger … It could definitely do some damage. I could run
this thin, rigid object against my white skin, and it would turn red. I could make myself bleed.
I knelt down on the floor, trying to find a good spot to try it out on. My arm was too open to the
public. My stomach was used all too often. My legs though … they were rarely seen and I’d
never cut them before. They were the perfect spot.
I sat in the tile shower and stared down at my flesh. I brought the blade to my skin and
pressed down hard, harder until it pierced. I dragged the razor over my skin, making the cut
deeper and thicker. The cut ran from about six inches above my kneecap to the top of my thigh.
As I continued to slice my skin, my mind cleared. My heart stopped beating for just a second …
and everything went quiet. My thoughts. My surroundings. I couldn’t even hear the water hitting
the tile.
I stopped thinking about Mike, his fingers that were forever on my skin. I stopped
thinking about the way I’d treated Frank, one of the only sweet guys who had ever taken me out
on a date. I stopped thinking about the fact that I had to stick my fingers down my throat to
confront my problems. Everything paused.
For about ten seconds it was just me, the blade, and the blood flowing down the tile to the
drain.”
Excerpt From: Elizabeth Miceli. “Barren.” iBooks.
“What about those?” he asked, walking toward me. He had on all his clothes now, and he
pointed to the thin, red scars running over the surface of my stomach.
“I … ” I started, trying to find a good excuse. I was still fucked up. The words wouldn’t
come to me. “I don’t know,” was all I could come up with. His face seemed pained at first, truly
upset, but then his emotion changed to anger and his frown hardened into a thin line.
“That’s such a fucking lie.”
“I’m not lying,” I whispered. I didn’t like when he got angry with me in general, but now
that Mike had happened, guys getting angry made me fear for my safety. Guys could hurt me.
“Yes, you are,” he said, his face red.
“Stop, Devan,” I said, hoping to God he’d drop the subject. For Christ’s sake, if I wanted
to talk to him, I would have already.
“Why are you cutting yourself?” he asked, coming closer to me. He was holding me now.
His protective arms were around my shoulders. He was the man. I was the little girl.
“Back off, Devan.” I spoke into his chest.
“It’s about that guy, isn’t it?” he asked, looking down at me. “You’re cutting because that
guy raped you.”
ABOUT
ELIZABETH MICELI:
Elizabeth hails from the smallest state with the biggest
heart. She started off at The University of Akron and then transferred to the
University of Rhode Island. She is a double major in both Psychology and Human
Development and Family Studies. Although she loves writing- she also has a
passion for helping others which is why she is studying to become a sex
therapist/couples counselor. Elizabeth loves spending time with her family and
friends, singing, eating everything Italian, and baking cookies. She is “in
love with love” which is probably why the driving force in almost everything
she writes is romance. When she’s not getting lost in her characters she can be
found waiting for her prince charming in her North Kingstown, Rhode Island
home.
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